Posts tagged: Funny Quotes

Wise Quotes for Today

By , December 14, 2011

Bill Vaughan~ Maybe the answer to Selective Service is to start everyone off in the army and draft them for civilian life as needed.
Dan Zadra~ Worry is a misuse of imagination.
David Zucker~ Quit now youll never make it. If you disregard this advice youll be halfway there.
George Crane~ Congealed thinking is the forerunner of failure… make sure you are always receptive to new ideas.
Peter Ustinov~ By increasing the size of the keyhole todays playwrights are in danger of doing away with the door.
Francois Marie Arouet Voltaire~ What most persons consider as virtue after the age of is simply a loss of energy.
Jim Davis~ Way down deep were all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them.
Titus Livius~ We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche~ No one lies so boldly as the man who is indignant.
A. E. Housman~ And malt does more than Milton can To justify Gods ways to man.
Edna Ferber~ Perhaps too much of everything is as bad as too little.
Friedrich von Schiller~ It does not prove a thing to be right because the majority say it is so.
Woodrow Wyatt~ A man falls in love through his eyes a woman through her ears.
Adlai Ewing Stevenson~ Let us talk sense to the American people. Let us tell them the truth that there are no gains without pains.
Wilson Mizner~ Those who welcome death have only tried it from the ears up.
Pliny the Elder~ In these matters the only certainty is that nothing is certain.
Barbra Streisand~ You have got to discover you what you do and trust it.
Paul Louis Courier~ The surest way to get rid of a bore is to lend money to him.
Abraham J. Herschel~ Life is not meaningful to us unless serving an end beyond itself unless it is of value to someone else.
Thomas Love Peacock~ Names are changed more readily than doctrines and doctrines more readily than ceremonies.
Edward M. Kennedy~ Dont sacrifice your political convictions for the convenience of the hour.
Unknown~ Beautiful young people are accidents of nature But beautiful old people are works of art.
Gilbert Keith Chesterton~ Materialists and madmen never have doubts.
Arab Proverb~ The enemy of my enemy is my friend.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe~ Everything in the world may be endured except continued prosperity.
Greg Evans~ Anger at lies lasts forever. Anger at truth cant last.
Joe Moore~ There are no answers only cross-references.
The Dhammapada~ Travel only with thy equals or thy betters if there are none travel alone.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche~ If you look long enough into the void the void begins to look back through you.
Donald Foster~ No one who cannot rejoice in the discovery of his own mistakes deserves to be called a scholar.
Drew Eric Whitman~ He who consistently plans each day will journey successfully through all of lifes years.
Romanian Proverb~ One who sits between two chairs may easily fall down.
Pico Iyer~ Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Ron Wild~ Seek the wisdom of the ages but look at the world through the eyes of a child.
Dr. Jonas Salk~ The reward for work well done is the opportunity to do more.
Marie Curie~ Nothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
Eugene Lam~ Laughter is the best form of medicine. For when we laugh we neither think grieve or feel.
B. J. Gupta~ God give me courage to do what I can humility to admit what I cant and wisdom to know the difference.
Max Lerner~ I am neither an optimist nor pessimist but a possibilist.
Herbert Clark Hoover~ Children are our most valuable natural resource.
Bennett Alfred Cerf~ Censor a self-appointed snoophound who sticks his nose in other peoples business.
Paul Sadler~ The goal of every married couple indeed every Christian home should be to make Christ the Head the Counselor and the Guide.
Thomas Haliburton~ Wherever there is authority there is a natural inclination to disobedience.
Wilhelm von Humboldt~ How a person masters his fate is more important than what his fate is.
Jonathan Winters~ I couldnt wait for success so I went on ahead without it.
J Danforth Quayle~ If we dont succeed we run the risk of failure.
M. Hirschfield~ Love is only the game that is not called on account of darkness.
Sharon Salzberg~ We learn and grow and are transformed not so much by what we do but by why and how we do it.
Zelda~ Nobody has ever measured even poets how much a heart can hold.
Queen Elizabeth I~ All my possessions for a moment of time.
Anne Tyler~ It is very difficult to live among people you love and hold back from offering them advice.
Brian W. Kernighan~ Id give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
George Jean Nathan~ Love demands infinitely less than friendship.
Alphonse Marie Louis de Lamartine~ There is a woman at the begining of all great things.
John Mitchell Mason~ Judge thyself with the judgment of sincerity and thou will judge others with the judgment of charity.
Lillian Carter~ Sure im for helping the elderly. Im going to be old myself some day.
Dr. Viktor E Frankl~ The last of the human freedoms – to choose ones attitude in any given set of circumstances to choose ones own way.
Emily Elizabeth Dickinson~ Not knowing when the dawn will come I open every door.
Unknown~ Pain is inevitable suffering is optional.
Andre Malraux~ A man is the sum of his actions of what he has done of what he can do nothing else.
Hfiz~ Come for the House of Hope is built on sand bring wine for the fabric of life is as weak as the wind.
Theodore Herman Albert Dreiser~ Religion is a bandage that man has invented to protect a soul made bloody by circumstance.
Edgar Watson Howe~ A good scare is worth more to a man than good advice.
Jewish Proverb~ Just as courage imperils life fear protects it.
Laertius Diogenes~ Blushing is the color of virtue.
Anthony Robbins~ Job dissatisfaction is the number one factor in whether you survive your first heart attack.
Marcel Proust~ We must never be afraid to go too far for success lies just beyond.
Abigail Van Buren~ Fight fire with fire and all youll end up with is ashes.
Thomas John Watson Sr.~ If you want to increase your success rate double your failure rate.
Phillip Lubin~ Every generation thinks it has the answers and every generation is humbled by nature.
Mary Lou Cook~ Creativity is inventing experimenting growing taking risks breaking rules making mistakes and having fun.
Haitian Proverb~ If work were good for you the rich would leave none for the poor.
Unknown~ What do you do when the only person who can make you stop crying is the person who made you cry
Willie Tyler~ The reason lightning doesnt strike twice in the same place is that the same place isnt there the second time.
Mo Udall~ If you can find something everyone agrees on its wrong.
Maria Mitchell~ Study as if you were going to live forever live as if you were going to die tomorrow.
Steven Wright~ It doesnt make a difference what temperature a room is its always room temperature.
Saint Jerome~ The friendship that can cease has never been real.
Earl Nightingale~ We all walk in the dark and each of us must learn to turn on his or her own light.
Jerry Coleman~ Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
Doris Lessing~ Think wrongly if you please but in all cases think for yourself.
Jack Handey Deep Thoughts~ If you ever drop your keys into a river of molten lava let em go because man theyre gone.
Gladys Taber~ We need time to dream time to remember and time to reach the infinite. Time to be.
Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche~ The man of knowledge must be able not only to love his enemies but also to hate his friends.
Andy Warhol~ In the future everyone will be famous for fifteen minutes.
Steven Wright~ Everywhere is walking distance if you have the time.
Denis Diderot~ What has not been examined impartially has not been well examined. Skepticism is therefore the first step toward truth.
George Fabricius~ Death comes to all But great achievements raise a monument Which shall endure until the sun grows old.
Dr. Rob Gilbert~ First we form habits then they form us. Conquer your bad habits or they will conquer you.
James Thurber~ The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste and the only limitations those of libel.
David Frost~ Hes turned his life around. He used to be depressed and miserable. Now hes miserable and depressed.
Martin Luther~ The fewer the words the better the prayer.
Gertrude Stein~ Everybody knows if you are too careful you are so occupied in being careful that you are sure to stumble over something.
Shimon Peres~ He restored the Bible to its people he restored the people to the Bible.
Pindar~ Seek not my soul the life of the immortals but enjoy to the full the resources that are within thy reach.
Friedrich von Schelling~ Since it architecture is music in space as it were a frozen music.
Marquis de Vauvenargues~ When a thought is too weak to be expressed simply simply drop it.
Laurence Sterne~ Solitude is the best nurse of wisdom.
Earl Mac Rauch~ Remember no matter where you go there you are.
Lisa Hoffman~ Love is like pi – natural irrational and very important.
Unknown~ Life is like an onion. You peel off one layer at a time and sometimes you weep.
Samuel Goldwyn~ Youve got to take the bitter with the sour.

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Funny, Witty, Wise Quotes by Unknown

By , October 29, 2009

Never judge someone till you’ve walked a mile in their shoes, cause then you’re a mile away and you’ve got their shoes. ~Unknown

The human race is faced with a cruel choice work or daytime television. ~Unknown

When your world seems like too much to handle, Just take a deep breath and laugh. It clears the mind and frees your spirit. ~Unknown

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Wise, Funny Quotes

By , September 8, 2009

Hope these funny quotes make you chuckle as we begin the short work week after the labor day weekend..

It’s a recession when your neighbour loses his job; it’s a depression when you lose yours. ~Harry S. Truman

Give a man a fish and he eats for a day. Teach him how to fish and you get rid of him all weekend. ~Zenna Schaffer

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Funny Marriage Quotes

By , August 20, 2009

Marriage is when a man and woman become as one; the trouble starts when they try to decide which one. ~Anonymous

…More Quotes by Anonymous

There are three rings in marriage. The engagement ring… The wedding ring… and the suffering. ~Trevor Rook

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Cute, Funny, Witty Quotes

By , August 14, 2009

All those who believe in telekinesis, raise my hand. ~Anonymous

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep.. not screaming, like the passengers in his car. ~Anonyomous

More quotes by Anonymous

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